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oh the whining.   
05:51pm 17/10/2009
  i haaaaaaaaaate being sick. i can normally deal with it, but that's at home. not in a hotel in freaking north carolina with no car and nothing to distract me. if i didn't have my netbook i'd probably go insane. i just want to sleep but i'm not actually tired. just drained. the fact that i have tomorrow off is both good and bad. the extra day to recover will be nice but i don't know if i can take the boredom. i never get bored at home, there's always something to do or someone to talk to. here there's just shitty hotel tv.

ugh, and i have to do laundry tomorrow. i hate laundry. i normally do it like every two months or less. this is why i have so much clothing, to avoid laundry. but i only brought enough work outfits for a week and my job has some weird rule about our clothes being clean and pressed. *headdesk*

the dress code is ridiculous, overall. long-sleeve button down shirts in solid colors that must be tucked in, dress pants and fancy, polished shoes. i get looking professional, i mean i like grown up clothes, i've always aimed to "dress for the job i want, not the job i have." but seriously, we all look like we rolled off some sort of assembly line. i go into nice stores and it makes me sad that i can't wear their nice, fancy work clothes because everything i like violates the dress code.

other than wanting to go home and the aforementioned heinous dress code, i love new job. new job is nice. i can't wait for my studio to open so we can start kicking ass and taking names. and then in a few months i can take a studio manager position in some new, warm location. somewhere it never gets below 60 degrees would be perfect. winter hasn't even started and i'm already about to crack. it's been 50 degrees and rainy all week, i hate it. i've got constant goosebumps, sometimes to the point of being painful. my teeth chatter if the wind hits me. i'm not cut out for this. i want to go back to the wet heat in florida. it was 95 degrees there last week! it was awesome.
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03:11pm 05/07/2009
  this weekend = XD

i hope everyone else's was just as awesome.
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apparently i update these days?   
08:44pm 08/03/2009
  over the past few months my grandmother has called me up after seeing me for the sole purpose of saying something nice two times. the first time was to tell me she really liked my hair. and just now she called to tell me that my new tv, which she saw for the first time today was amazing. which might seem silly but i babbled to everyone about how i excited i was when i first bought it so it was really sweet of her.

i'm perplexed by this. normally it takes coaching to get compliments from her because it's just not in her nature, i can be the same way. our regular banter normally involves petty jabs at each other for the lolz. we interact more like sisters than anything else.

so why all of a sudden is she going out of her way to be nice to me? don't get me wrong, i fucking love it. it made my day both times it happened.

it's just that i don't cope well with not understanding something. i'm a compulsive problem-solver.

my initial reaction is to assume she wants to make sure i feel really good about myself and know she loves me because she thinks she's going to die soon. this is a pretty irrational assumption.

i'm just very paranoid when it comes to her well-being. i've dealt with a lot of death in my life but losing her will be like losing a mom, dad, grandmother and best friend all at once. i don't know that i'll ever be ready for it. at one point i decided i should get married solely for the purpose of making it easier to cope with her death. you don't have to tell me how ridiculous that is. but you do have to admit that it's damn practical.

this entry started out on such a high note and ended pretty depressingly. i don't know what my deal is. but the fact that i haven't slept since 11am yesterday morning and the adderall i took this morning might be involved, just a hunch.
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07:38pm 01/12/2008
  is it wrong that i want to watch twilight again?
it may be.
it's definitely wrong that i felt the need to publicize that fact.

i'm probably going to read the books. even though i know they're terrible.
wtf? when did i start liking this crap?
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07:50pm 07/11/2008
  i think i want to go to law school.
which means i need to go to college first. obviously.
but i feel like i should decide where i'm headed with school before i start shelling out money and time that i do not have.

i have two careers in mind and of course, both require entirely too much college. i'd like to be a senator or a psychologist. maybe i can start out taking classes that would help with both and go from there?
i mean, psych classes would be beneficial to me if i did get into law. so maybe i'll start there.

or maybe i'll just never do anything with my life?
it makes me kind of sad that it's a distinct possibility.
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12:16am 03/09/2008
  i'm bad at the internet.
i realized this a few days ago.
i'm so "in your face" or whatever in person. i guess you could say dynamic.

but i just don't express that in text form.
i don't think i can. i'm all hand talking, weird facial expressions, tone of voice and random shouting.
and seriously, sarcasm usually fails on the internet.

i really should get on this whole youtube channel thing if i want to stand a chance at being able to get my personality across on the internet.
but it scares me with work and everything. i'd have to worry about what i say and i just don't want to deal with it.

so i guess i'll just stick to either being boring or continuing to say completely random shit that sometimes scares people in order to get my quirkiness across.

also, another related observation. most people feel really comfortable saying whatever they want online, because it's anonymous. but they censor things in person.
i am the exact opposite. i always worry about making an ass of myself online and over think everything i type.
but in person i often babble incoherently, have no shame and am completely comfortable telling what should be embarrassing stories to strangers. even without alcohol!

are there other people like this? is it really split into two categories like this and i fall into the smaller of the two?
or am i just totally weird and on my own here?
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11:34pm 21/08/2008
mood: calm
i don't want to go home.
i want to stay in idaho.
what the fuck is wrong with me?

i mean, it's actually pretty surprisingly awesome here but that's not the problem. that's not what's making me want to stay. i'd feel this way no matter where i happened to be right now.

i'm completely on my own here. i have done everything completely by myself. i took two planes to get here, i picked up my rental car, i checked into my gorgeous hotel room. i trained a new employee who is TEN YEARS OLDER THAN ME. and i did a damn good job of it.

i feel amazing. i'm sure that if i actually stayed here i'd be sad and miss people after another week. but right now, staying sounds wonderful.

and it's not really about boise, though i do like it here. it's about the fact that this is the first time i've been excited about being a grown-up. it's not scary anymore, it's rewarding. i feel so fucking responsible right now.

i kind of want to get older.
i think maybe i'm done missing high school.
i just hope i don't get wrinkles.
05:25pm 16/05/2008
  google search nonsense i swiped from ashleighCollapse )  
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09:04pm 17/04/2008
  question time!

halp?Collapse )
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plz help, thx.   
04:59pm 24/03/2008
  i'd greatly appreciate it if you'd be so kind as to look at this picture and tell me that i do not look like davey havok.

not trying to clutter up yer friend's pageCollapse )
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some stuff.   
06:33pm 27/02/2008
  i need to stop spending money.
in the past two weeks i've bought a new video card, a giant monitor, a new bed, desk and chair.
and just now a new flash for my camera that i also spent too much money on.

at least i got ridiculously good deals on all of those things.
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weather is retarded, we should do away with it.   
05:26am 13/02/2008
mood: annoyed
so, i was supposed to be at this day care in laurel at 7am today.
which would mean i'd have to leave my house by 5:30.
when i went outside to start loading some of my equipment at 5:15 i slipped on the ice and landed really hard on the driveway.
which prompted me to mutter to myself quite loudly about how hard i'm not doing it.
so, i'm sitting in my room.
and apparently i'm the only person on earth who is awake right now.

i'm going to call at 6am since they're supposedly open at that time.
but i doubt it since there's a SEVERE WEATHER WARNING until 7am for nearly all of maryland.

so, hopefully i can show up there by 8-8:30 since this school has already been rescheduled twice.
last time because no one had any idea i was coming. oh boy.

oh! to anyone who doesn't already know this. i take kid's portraits at day cares. that's my job. this might make more sense if i had put this part first. oops!
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i write the songs, bitch.   
11:13am 10/02/2008
mood: amused
i went to see barry manilow in dc with my aunt last night.
and he totally sparked up a doobie on stage.
it was ridiculous.
and unexpected.
i've never regretted not bringing my camera with me more in my life.
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i'm excited.   
07:02am 05/02/2008
mood: ecstatic
turbotax is my new bff.
i'm getting $2,400 back when you combine my state and federal refunds.
much better than last year, when i owed $15.
i deducted a shit ton of miles, which made me a little nervous.
but they said my audit risk is super low.
so, yay money.

so now i definitely don't have to feel bad about the $1,400 i just spent on my camera.
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11:32pm 29/01/2008
  why didn't anyone tell me i always talk like i'm stoned?  
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04:35pm 12/06/2007
mood: melancholy
fuck men.
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06:56pm 11/06/2007
  i'm tired of dating.

but i want a new boyfriend.

i think my plan is to find a boy who really really likes the x-ray spex. i figure everything will fall into place after that.
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12:16am 08/06/2007
mood: drunk
i wish i was prettier.

i want a nose job.

don't tell me i'm being ridiculous, it won't make my nose any smaller.
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hooooooooooly shit.   
01:47pm 10/04/2007
  so, most amazing thing ever. i just found out that on the 20th, harry and the potters are playing a show in brooklyn.. with japanther!

i'm beyond stoked and half of you will not understand why. but this is okay.

so yes, i'm in the best mood ever. and i'll be going up to new york, taking the whole day off and spending entirely too much money. yay!

oh, btw. everything else sucks. but it's okay.
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just ugh.   
07:01pm 03/03/2007
  last night was a fucking train wreck. went to see peelander z. sat through three shitty bands. they didn't even start until 1am.

and everything was awesome. linda was in the pit with me. we were happy.

then the second song came. and a couple people decided to stage dive. which would have been okay. except one of them was a retarded girl with no idea what she was doing. so instead of jumping straight out, she jumped as if she would be landing on a chair. that chair, turned out to be my head.

i couldn't turn my fucking neck afterwards. it still hurts now.

i should have punched her in the fucking throat.

the worst part was that we ended up leaving. there was no way i could get back up front and i don't dig going to shows and standing in the back. and besides we were both exhausted after sitting through shitty bands and also, we're both morons who wore heels.

but seriously, fucking ridiculous.
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